So I finally got up the gumption to tell my boss that if I don't take a vacation, I"m going to go postal in Africa somewhere. I finally did it becacuse I realized what a huge bitch I was being to everyone around me. Controlling, angry, petty - the whole nine yards. And so indecisive - which is unlike me. Normally I know what I want all the time.
It didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. Despite his assertion that he didn't want me to burn out, that there was no reason to burn out, and that he thought my work was valuable - the bossman flipped out when I told him I didn't think I could travel. He tried everyway to make me feel guilty which only made me mad. And then numb. And then incredibly guilty later on. And then ashamed of my weakness.
I guess, I'm back to that old place where I don't actually think my job is that stressful and that instead, I'm being a giant wimp. But remembering how close I came to the UNHCR compound shootout in Yei and how that scared me - I know I need a break.
I've been online researching someplace I can go that will be soothing, blissful, tropical, cheap, and with possibilities of bootie. And I've come to the conclusion that I MUST go to Bali. But I can't afford to go to Bali! I've finally managed to save money and save for my retirement on my piddly NGO salary and I can't bring myself to spend all my savings account on my airplane ticket. And because I fly on cheap tickets around the world, never the same airline twice, and because in general US based airlines are the epitome of evil - I don't have more than 35,000 air miles in anyone carrier. They never manage to credit my account for flights from UK to Sri Lanka, for flights from France to Guinea, for flights from UK to Zimbabwe. It really sucks.
So - I'm exploring Mexico (where one can fly for $250) - Tulum sounds nice but I'm afraid its going to be super hot and cheesy. I need to stay someplace that is filled with beauty right now. I can't tolerate more sad poverty everywhere I go. Costa Rica also sounds nice. I'd go back to Guatemala but I don't want to ruin the magic of the first time I was there. I'd love to take cooking classes in Oaxaca but they seem super expensive.
I want to sit on a beautiful beach and sleep in my own cabana or villa. I want to dine on fabulous food and meet fascinating gorgeous men all week. Too much to ask for in a vacation? So I'll keep looking. According to my boss, I have to decide when I'm going asap so he can 'structure' my work time and produce deliverables. Which pisses me off.
Anyway... ta ta