Tribute to Sarah Justine Packwood: The Intuitive Humanitarian

 Sarah Justine Packwood (1970 - 2024)

Sarah Justine Packwood was a British humanitarian aid worker and our friend. She died at sea in June 2024. We, her friends and former coworkers in the humanitarian world, grieve for her loss. This is our reflection on her and her work and how important it was to her identity and an invitation to join us at her memorial on 1 December 2024.

There have been stories written about Sarah that focused on her sense of adventure, her passion for the environment, and her love story with her husband, Brett. Many now know about her around the world because the story of lovers who disappeared at sea only to have their bodies found weeks later, captured many people’s imagination. Sarah’s career as an aid worker is briefly mentioned in these stories but a better understanding of it helps shed more light about this warm, wonderful woman.  Sarah was truly a humanitarian at heart and a pragmatic optimist. Sarah had great passion for life and connecting deeply with people. As one of her friends said on LinkedIn, Sarah cared about “the experience of life rather than the superficial needs for position or asset acquisition.” 

Like many of us multitaskers, as Sarah set off to cross the Atlantic, she was also working as a freelance consultant, typing up reports for the United Nations and doing her part for humanitarian work and then tragedy struck. We don’t know what happened to her boat, but Sarah did not survive.

As an aid worker, Sarah specialized in protection - ensuring that persons with disabilities, older people, children and women who were vulnerable to violence received proper support and care and were shielded from further harm. Her warm and caring heart informed all the work she did. How did Sarah decide to become an aid worker? In her own words, “I took a gap year to learn how to apply myself. I did voluntary conservation work, a spell in retail, a stint at a youth hostel and volunteered. Throughout I learned the importance of serving others and working hard whatever the task.” She went on to get her masters degree in Rural Resource Management and conducted her thesis research in Kenya where she was confronted by the poverty of rural farming families there. “I was confronted by the challenges they faced every day just to survive, I experienced an epiphany. Africa captured my heart and I knew I had to return one day.”

And so she did, returning to Tanzania to work with Rwandan refugees living there in 1994 and then again and again in South Sudan, Namibia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, as well as to emergencies around the world in Kosovo, Haiti, Myanmar, and other places. In the early millennium, Sarah returned to the UK and did a stint of humanitarian work where she infused her international experiences with the spirituality that was such an important part of her identity, and grounding herself in UK for a season. During this time, she worked for both the Shaftesbury Society and HelpAge. While at the Shaftesbury Society, she was an important part of a steering group with other faith-based NGOs and individuals that shaped a UK-wide Christian faith focused Refugee and Asylum Seeker welcome network. Her involvement saw activists from communities across the UK effectively welcoming asylum seekers and refugees into their communities. In many ways, this early work created the foundations for small refugee charities being established that we now see across the UK. 

Sarah also worked with HelpAge International where she was a pivotal member of the disaster management unit, leading responses to support older people to live dignified lives after a disaster. Her work there responding to natural disasters like floods, cyclones, droughts and earthquakes lead to her lifelong desire to address climate change and live sustainably. Sarah spent time with the United Nations in Namibia and Papua New Guinea as a ProCap protection specialist incorporating persons with disabilities, older people, children, and women and girls in disaster preparedness initiatives. She returned to the UK to care for her mother in her final days, working with the British government at the Department for International Development again focusing on typhoon responses and supporting UN agencies alongside researching clean cookstoves for emergency relief distributions.  It was that stint in London that found her walking home from work in the rain and encountering her future husband on the way to the bus! Her last consultancies conducted remotely as she and her husband Brett developed a sustainable home in Canada and sailed on their beloved ship, Theros, were in preparing communities for disasters and emergencies through work with UN agencies like OHCHR and UNHCR, The World Bank, ChildFund Australia and others. 

Like many of us post-covid and in this time of localization, she was playing a role in humanitarian and development assistance by sharing her knowledge and skills and providing technical assistance from afar while stepping back from a frontline role. Ultimately, Sarah always worked best within a team, always in solidarity with seeking ways to limit the suffering amongst our fellow humans that have endured so much. Colleagues at HelpAge said Sarah was a joyful colleague to have, providing mentoring to younger colleagues from the UK and across the world. Her wise and measured advice has gone on to shape how many people work – and thus furthering her impact across the globe.

Sarah was prolifically creative and always writing, making art and music and applying her heart to problems that she saw in the world. She interviewed many of us for a book she had hoped to produce called the Intuitive Humanitarian. It was based on her thoughts, reflections, observations and experiences in the humanitarian sector over the last 20 years. It was about using a particular lens to look at the broken humanitarian system and re-imagine it, signposting other aid workers and social activists towards modelling something different to cause a shift to happen. We often had conversations about the importance of treating each other in an empathetic, peaceful, and loving way, particularly in our humanitarian community which can sometimes be a traumatized and angry place. Her kindness and compassion were always present in her work, in her art, in her life. She had a ready laugh and smile and a keen intelligence. She was always on the side of the vulnerable and thinking of others.  

Our humanitarian world lost a kind and decent woman in that shipwreck and the world became a little less bright. But in her memory, we continue to try to provide comfort to the suffering in disasters and wars. We bear witness to their suffering and we aim to do our small part to help those less fortunate than ourselves. 

If you knew her or would like to join us in her memorial which is taking place 1 December 2024 in Long Itchington UK, you can find out more information on the service and other events at https://sarah-j-packwood.muchloved.com/ 

All are welcome, just as Sarah would have liked it. 

Reflections on current allegations of racism at MSF

So recently, MSF has been in the news again - this time for their racist and colonial tendencies.  A sign-on letter circulated accusing MSF of failing to acknowledge the extent of racism perpetuated by its policies, hiring practices, workplace culture and “dehumanising” programmes, run by a “privileged white minority” workforce.

I often encountered racist attitudes there and in fact worked on a national staff perceptions study where many of the national staff I talked with decried the colonialist attitudes of the organization where a naive young inexperienced Westerner might be the supervisor of a much older and experienced person from the country where they were working. Many of the expats that I met had an inborn belief that only a "Expat" (i.e. a Westerner or European) could truly be neutral.  I was actually instructed when I worked for them to note what pieces of evidence I had from National Staff vs Expatriate Staff as I guess the Expat staff wee more "reliable" .

In the words of my friend Saleem Haddad who I met when I worked at MSF "...make no mistake, like I've said before, MSF is one of the most colonial and racist organisations I've ever worked for. [The linked article above] also notes: "The statement follows fierce internal debate about racism and the Black Lives Matter movement. Some staff were angry at a recent statement released by MSF Italy, suggesting it should not use the term “racism” and that “everyone, starting with MSF”, should talk about “all lives matter”.

This article doesn't mention that after this, the statement goes on to say "because discrimination exists against blacks, whites, yellows, women, men, gays, old, young, etc."

Yellows, ladies and gentlemen. Yellows.

I'm not harping on MSF for any other reason than I believe in its mission, and believe that, if the institutions of white supremacy and patriarchy within the movement are dismantled, the organisation could do some truly revolutionary work. Ultimately, I don't mind speaking honestly about this because I've got no skin in this game. I have no intention to work for MSF again so long as these sexist and colonial structures remain in place. Others have more to lose."

I feel the same way. I didn't sign that letter. I whole-heartedly support the authors of the letter for sure. But I saw some of the same men I complained about in my my blog post on Cassandra Complexity. White men who had power (and still do) signing on to complain about something that they could have done something about if they tried. But its easier to jump on the bandwagon than actually do something.

I originally wrote that blog as a letter to the Director General of MSF Holland and UK in support of a woman of color who had complained about discrimination there. When I heard nothing back from management, I decided to publish it as a blog post to raise the profile. Since racism often goes hand in hand with sexism, I thought I would just put this blog post from Cassandra Complexity here as a reminder that the women of color working at MSF are probably the ones getting it the worst.

Holier than Thou: Is it time for MSF's #Metoo moment?

This is my témoignage about the sexist culture of MSF Amsterdam where I worked from 2007-2011. Its the product of a lot of thinking and processing since the #metoo hashtag appeared, re-triggering lots of toxic memories and suppressed emotions. – Sarah Martin

World Humanitarian Day 2016: South Sudan and Rape and Being an AidWorker

I just wrote about this in the Cassandra Complexity, a blog I help co-edit with friends but here's a rougher more personal account.

August 19 is World Humanitarian Day where humanitarian aid workers like me remember our colleagues who were killed in the line of duty. Today, I am also now thinking about the particular vulnerability that women face: being raped in the line of duty.  

A few days ago, the AP published a report about the South Sudanese army's attacks on a popular expatriate lodging, "Terrain House", in Juba, Sudan where three female expatriate aid workers were raped by multiple soldiers. The rage and sadness I felt about the UN's refusal to deploy peacekeepers to protect these civilians threw me into a sad dark place. I'm currently on sabbatical in Sarajevo, Bosnia and this sadness was compounded by all the dark European movies I had been watching at the Sarajevo Film Festival.  I cried through the movie Cameraperson because it had a lot of scenes that hit close to home - women chopping wood in Zalingei (reminded me of almost getting shot on my way to Kass in South Darfur), a baby being born and dying in Nigeria (reminded me of dying babies in Haiti post-earthquake in MSF's obstetric hospital, Afghanistan (the fear I felt there driving around at night), and scenes from Liberia (where I had my first security fright thanks to a dumbass Congolese man that I was traveling with). I was already feeling raw when I read this report. 

I then learned that the US Embassy (my Embassy!)  had also failed to do ANYTHING to protect these American citizens and had "made some phone calls." Eventually the Government of Sudan sent in someone to rescue the people but the local staff of the hotel and 3 women were left behind to be rescued the next day by a private security force. What must it have felt like to be the people "left behind"? I couldn't stop myself from instantly imagining myself as one of the three expatriate women left overnight with the rapist soldiers. It's every woman's worst nightmare. For my sanity, I had to stop. 

Aid workers started lamenting this issue and expressing our rage and sadness.  Female aid workers everywhere are deeply shaken by this event. Some are privately expressing how afraid they feel but that they feel worse for abandoning South Sudanese women who bear the brunt of the sexual violence. The most frustrating part was the false sense of security that being nearby the peacekeepers provided. Our so-called "safety and security systems" (including useless TRIP forms filled out on line) are not always going to be there. It's obvious that we, as women,  are usually alone out there sometimes, and as every woman everywhere in the world has learned since puberty, you have to take responsibility for your own safety and security.

Our "security professionals" are often ignoring women's needs or have REALLY outdated viewpoints on how women can protect themselves. In Bangkok, at the recent women's day- our security personnel at the UN told women that they should "smile more" and in Jordan, the UNHCR security personnel who was giving me a brief there said I should "dress decently" (to which I responded, since I'm a decent person anything I wear is, by definition, decent). 

I'm too angry and sad to write a more professional polished piece - so I give you instead, a piece that i wrote about this in 2012. It was inspired by events that took place in 2012 after I had finished a year working in Nepal, Pakistan, and Afghanistan for the UN.  I took a Hostile Environment Awareness Training course before I went to Libya with the British government for the Preventing Sexual Violence Initiative. I was really nervous as in mid 2011, there had been an attack on the hotel where i had worked in Kabul right after I left and I realized I had never felt safe in that country. I didn't know how I would react to the simulated situation. I was most nervous about the "fake kidnapping" part - and as it turns out - I was fine, but one of my colleagues was not. She was a survivor and experienced a flashback during this section of the training. Our mostly male trainers had no psychologist on standby and were not prepared to support her so I was called in. In order to deal with it, I decided to take action and become an activist on this issue. 

Gender-based Violence and Security

This blog post was published by USAID to coincide with the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence event, “Who Takes Care of the Caregivers?  Providing Care and Safety for Staff in Gender-based Violence Settings,” taking place on Thursday, Nov. 29th 2012 in Washington DC, hosted by the Inter-Agency Gender Working Group, funded by USAID. It is no longer available online but a copy of it can be found here. The Tips that I wrote for travelers can be found here. 

Gender-based Violence (GBV) is an issue that impacts aid workers – not just beneficiaries and not just staff that works in GBV settings. This post examines agencies’ duty to care for their workers by preventing and responding to GBV. 

“Keeping International Workers Safe:  Preventing and Responding to Gender-based Violence”

Sarah Martin, Consultant and Specialist on Prevention and Response to Gender-based Violence

The sexual assault of the journalists Lara Logan, Mona Eltahawy and two unnamed British and French journalists in Egypt shocked the world and brought the issue of gender-based violence (GBV) against Westerners working in conflict areas to the forefront. Clearly GBV does not only affect the "locals" in these areas. Not only are journalists at risk but also aid workers–and not just in conflict settings or in GBV program areas.

I recently interviewed a large cross section of women travelers who work in a number of fields (including international development, human rights, humanitarian action and international business) about their experiences as women while traveling and working overseas*.  Many of them brought up their frustration that sexual harassment and sexual assault were never raised in security trainings and that agencies refused to address this as a real security concern. Increasingly, aid agencies are providing more “realistic” security trainings that simulate “hostile environments to prepare their employees for gunfire, kidnappings and other events in the field.”  While some of these trainings talk about sexual assault, there are no discussions of how to prevent sexual assault or how to react or support colleagues if they are assaulted. Sexual harassment in the workplace as a security issue is often ignored. In addition, the purveyors of these trainings are mostly male and show little awareness to the issue of sexual assault or the gender concerns of female trainees. I recently attended one such training where one of the participants relived her own sexual assault from years ago while undergoing a simulated “kidnapping.” While they took her out of the simulation, there were no psychologists or female trainers available to talk to her. 

Female development and aid workers have the same security concerns as their male counterparts: crime and landmine accidents and armed robberies do not discriminate. Security measures, trainings, and manuals are the same for men and women, and most agencies take a ‘gender-blind’ approach to security. Most security officers are men, and many of them come from a military background. This gender-blind approach to security, however, leaves out a major issue.  Women also face another security threat that most men do not encounter – gender-based violence, namely sexual harassment and sexual violence.

Rape myths promote the false idea that women are only sexually assaulted by strangers. While this can happen, women are much more likely to be attacked by someone familiar to them – a co-worker, a driver, or a friend. Most of the women I interviewed shared stories about fending off sexual harassment by colleagues or actual cases of sexual assault in the field. 

Rarely is their organization prepared to handle these issues. While there has been some action taken on “building safe organizations” – the focus has been preventing sexual exploitation of our beneficiaries by our staff. But there is not sufficient attention paid to sexual harassment of our staff by our staff or adequate support for staff that have been sexually assaulted. There is little information in the security manuals that I have reviewed about what medical care a survivor may need or what rights a sexual assault survivor might have. Nor is there guidance on reporting to local authorities, human resources or guarantees of confidentiality. Responsible employers must be prepared to understand and deal with the fact that their employees might become victims of sexual assault [1] and should be prepared to support them. This means bringing the issue of sexual assault up in security trainings and sensitizing the trainers and security personnel on how to address the issue – but not by restricting women’s access to “dangerous areas” but by making sure female employees are informed of the dangers, provided with information on how to protect themselves, and given sensitive and adequate support by their organizations in case the worst happens.

[1] Global statistics show that 1 out of 3 women has experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault.

 * From the chapter I wrote entitled “Sexual Assault: Preventing And Responding As An International Travelers in the book Personal Security: A Guide for International Travelers, by Tanya Spencer, ISBN: 9781466559448 commissioned and published by Taylor and Francis, LLC.

From Snowstorms to Military Coup, 2014 was quite a year

As per usual, 2014 has been a year filled with travel and adventure. I am a consultant specializing in gender-based violence in humanitarian crises currently and based in Thailand but on a short term visa so I have to come and go from my apartment in Bangkok every 30 days. Normally, that corresponds with travel for work but sometimes I have to make a “visa run” – which is usually quite nice as Thailand has inexpensive flights, lots of great neighbors, and there are interesting places to go! But the travel is exhausting. If my 25 year old self who dreamed of traveling the world could hear me now, she would probably faint-  what do you MEAN that you are tired of traveling?

Here’s a little snapshot of my travels in 2014:

20 trips * 193 days * 131,541 miles * 42 cities *16 countries

I have one more trip left for the new year – I’m off to Japan for my visa run and I will spend a couple of days in a lovely looking zen Buddhism retreat to try to gain strength for next year. I hope it will be restorative!

So last year, I started out the New Year in the USA with my sister, Alyson. We took a road trip to Florida but sadly that coincided with the polar vortex so no beach for us. That was fine with me since I live in the tropics but Alyson was a bit sad. She was also very tolerant as I took over the social media and liveblogged, tweeted, and instagrammed our road trip. Although it was cold, we stopped by Amelia Island and Savannah as well as meeting Winter the dolphin and seeing some manatees at a power plant.

In February, I went to Bali, Indonesia for an extended trip trying to sit down and really start writing (something that I’ve been wanting to do ever since I was a little girl and wrote my first story about the Princess Sarah and her nemesis, the man in the pickle suit). I found out that writer’s block is a more powerful nemesis than the man in the pickle suit[1]. Ubud is so lovely and beautiful! I consulted an astro-cartographer, as one does while in Bali, to find out where in the world I should move to find love… sadly the answer was Antarctica. Meh. My friend Kaya, the mathmetician, has disputed that analysis and believes my love line is actually the line that runs through Addis –Kiev- Beirut. Maybe in 2015!

I made it back to Washington DC in March to see my dear friend Diana Prieto marry and I danced so enthusiastically at her wedding that I managed to rip out my hem of my dress with my high heel during a polka. I also managed to get trapped on a Qatar Airline flight in a snowstorm sitting at the gate in Dulles for 12 hours. That was fairly miserable and was compounded by flying directly from DC to Rakhine state (via Doha and Yangon) which is a place on the Burma-Bangladesh border that is caught up in discrimination and displacement of Muslim Rohingya by chauvinist Buddhists lead by some extremely radical monks.  I ended up caught up in the riots against aid workers in Rakhine State. It was all very tense but in the end, I was fine and was evacuated back to Yangon where I joined a bunch of other aid workers in a sparkling wine filled brunch-debrief-argument that helped us all decompress. From a polka party to a snowstorm to attacks by Buddhist monks! What a trip!

I took a little break by going to one of the most beautiful beaches in Thailand – Koh Phangan – and managed to avoid the infamous Full Moon party. I’m really getting old now, I guess. I preferred hanging out under the actual full moon and taking a swim alone rather than drinking buckets of beer and watching people vomit in the sea. YOUTHS!

I then returned to Myanmar where I worked up on the border with China in a fascinating place called Kachin State where I got to hang out with my friend Marise from MSF, ride bicycles around the town, get a massage by a blind man, and visit the “confluence” of the N’mai and Mali rivers where the Irrawaddy river is born. It’s a very important place for the Kachin people – a place that may soon disappear due to the construction of the 7 dam Irrawaddy project. Local people have been forcibly relocated from around the area and large scale mechanized gold mining and logging projects have destroyed large areas as well as polluting the Irrawaddy river. At one point, I was told, the river was so pristine that it was crystal clear. Not so much anymore but it was a nice day out to a remote spot- luckily we were not kidnapped like the three government workers who also went to the confluence that day for a picnic.

I returned back to Thailand just in time to experience martial law and the Military coup in May!  The Thai military coup was so “Thai” and so not as dramatic as the news made it out to be. I was getting a pedicure in the afternoon and preparing to go meet someone to interview them for my consultancy when we entered into a fashionable coffee shop/chocolate shop. We ordered and the waiter seemed very agitated and told us we would have to eat fast and then said MARTIAL LAW MARTIAL LAW! We broke out our smart phones, found out that martial law had been declared and there was a 10pm curfew so we finished our lattes and headed home. The Sky Train was completely crowded and people were swarming the ubiquitous 7-11s to just to stock up on alcohol. My friend Jordan came up to hang out that night and told me he had been headbutted by a desperate expat man in the 7-11 trying to get a case of beer. So my neighbors Rebecca, Jordan and I sat around listening to the cheery nationalistic Siamese martial music being broadcast on every single tv station and played Cards Against Humanity while sipping gin and tonics. What a very expat experience. My first coup (well actualy there was an attempted coup in Darfur when I was there in 2004 but they didn’t succeed and the only way we knew it had happened is they took all the sat phones and mobile phones off line).  

Life under the military regime has not been very different. We all panicked when they threatened to tighten immigration and we became very sad when they closed up all the VW Bus/bars that lined Soi 11 near my house at night. Apparently you can’t eat a sandwich in public or read George Orwell as it’s a protest now and in very Thai style, the three finger salute from the Hunger Games is now used in protest. But other than that – the non-stop unbridled capitalism, hedonism, and eating continues apace.

After I finished my work in Myanmar, I managed to win an 8 month contract with the UN that was home-based so I hoped it would help me stay home a bit more. Wrong! I was immediately brought to NYC for a meeting, which was nice as New York in May is wonderful! I also flew from NYC via Abu Dhabi to London for a big summit to end sexual violence in conflict in London where I got to finally meet Angelina Jolie! The best part of the whole conference was that I was quoted in US Weekly about Brad Pitt! From there I flew to Qatar where I waited for a visa for my next crazy adventure – teaching about gender and disasters to the Saudi Red Crescent! 

Well, now you can guess where my Xmas photo was taken. Luckily, my college roommate, Ann-Michelle lives in Doha and I got to hang out with her and her fantastic husband and kids for 10 days and she loaned me an abaya – the mandatory long black coat that all women in Saudi Arabia wear with a headscarf. What you can’t really tell in the photo is how beautifully it is embroidered with black sequins and thread. Every single woman wears a very different abaya and I found myself checking them out to see their fashion sense. Saudi Arabia was a very interesting experience. The people that I met were both incredibly hospitable and sweet to me but I also faced some of the worst sexism I’ve had to experience in my life (which thankfully has not been very much). The highlight of the trip was the flight out of Riyadh back to Doha. It was the last day before Ramadan and all of the domestic workers were all rushing home for holiday. It was like boarding the last flight out of Saigon as hundreds of Filipino, Pakistan, Bangladeshi, Indian, and African workers pushed and shoved their way onto the fully booked Dreamliner in desperation. I got caught up in the hysteria as several waist-high women used me as a battering ram to push us onto the plane. I have never been so happy to land in Doha. It looked like a desert oasis after the run down, dusty Riyadh. I felt like I might have overdone it that night for Ann-Michelle’s birthday as I chowed down on pork, drank champagne, and danced in a minidress until sunrise. That’s what Saudi does to you though…

I returned to Europe for my summer vacation – finally facing the dreaded task of clearing out my storage unit in Amsterdam (which true to form, I procrastinated on until the very last day before I had to fly back) and celebrated a spectacular birthday in Berlin and Poland with my bestie Mike Dumiak before heading to the gorgeous chateau in the Loire Valley with a group of friends for non stop wine tasting (a repeat from 2011)…

I finished up the year by returning to the US in October to visit my cousin Catherine who is ill in Topeka, Kansas and it was nice to spend even a few days with her and Emil in America’s heartland. I returned to NYC to run a workshop and then Alyson and I met up in Toronto, Canada where we visited Niagara Falls – a place both of us have always wanted to see! I was thrilled to be able to ride on the “Horatio Hornblower” and get completely soaking wet by the power of the falls.

The end of the year was a blur of travel to Malaysia, Philippines, Myanmar, and work work work. I made a couple of short trips to the gorgeous Thai beaches of Koh Samet and Railay beach and cooked and consumed some amazing meals. I’ve been privileged to see so much of the world this year – and to have the love of family and friends. 2014 gave us the war in Gaza, the massacres in Pakistan, the ebola epidemic, the crashes of the Malaysia airline flights, the kidnapping of young women by Boko Haram in Nigeria, the sinking of the ferry in Korea, the horrible beheadings by ISIL, and the horrific murders of children in Pakistan. But I hope my silly stories of my adventures around the world can give a little laugh at the end of the year. I still believe in universal human rights, speaking truth to power, fighting for justice and gender equality and the power of a good bottle of red wine and an Ottolenghi cookbook to change the world.

I wish you and your loved ones an adventuresome, peaceful, tasty, and loving 2015!

---

[1] my father, incidentally