Leaving Thailand: Reflections 2

When I moved to Bangkok in 2011, I was overwhelmed with choosing where I wanted to live. I saw apartments all over town and in the end - I had to pick one solely based on where they accepted cats as tenants as making Simon Le Bon's arrival comfy was my top priority! I found a place in Sukhumvit in a neighborhood called Nana...right off Soi 13. 

One of the draws was being close to Sukhumvit Soi 11 which was a lively little street which meant I could walk to restaurants and bars and walk home. Soi 11 had lots of little dive bars and two very chic ones (Q bar and Bed Supper Club). 

Every night, little VW buses pulled up and turned the whole street into a party. We used to love going to the Red Wagon. 

My favorite restaurant on the street was the old 70s style American diner at the Federal Hotel where I could get a great crab fried rice and coke in the little bottles for less than $2. 

You could hang out in the alley and drink beer at Cheap Charlie's or the Pickled Liver. Both were great because they didn't really attract bar girls or prostitutes like many of the divey bars in Bangkok. You met a huge variety of people - expats, old thai men, tourists, the young and the old. 

There were two beautiful old houses on the subsoi between 11 and 13 and one was a spa. The closest mall was Siam Paragon. 

Today, as I went down the soi (which is torn up with construction), all of those things are gone and in their place is "luxury" condos, three new hotels, 2 hotels under construction, two big dance clubs (Club Insanity and Levels), an expensive "Argentine Steak House", a Baskin Robbins, a Starbucks, an Au Bon Pain, a Pomodoro, and lots and lots of empty little bars that used to be there scheduled to be knocked down for luxury condos. 

We have Terminal 21 on one side, Central Embassy on the other, and the big giant splashy Emquartier two stops away. The Thai junta banned the VW buses and all the fun character seems washed away. 

Guess its time to go before the whole city turns into a sanitized mall of chains that you can find anywhere in the world.

Leaving Thailand: Reflections 1

I get my medical care at Bumrungrad hospital which is a super diverse place. They have a McDonalds there that i always find myself eating a sundae at - today no different. The mix of people joining me at this American travesty of a restaurant really sums up Bangkok for me: Older Thai people with devoted adult children, sweet Thai nurses, old Arab men surrounded by veiled women and men in polo shirts and cargo pants, old white men with their young pregnant Thai wives, backpackers with motorcycle rashes, Thai and Indian families with young children, and a smattering of white expat women like me. The Japanese all go to Samitivej hospital. I will miss this slice of humanity and Thai kindness.

A little global anti Trump sentiment: Habibi Funk

Movies from 2016: My Reviews of the Good, the Meh, and the Ugly.

My thoughts on movies I saw in 2016 

(Note: some movies come late to BKK so there are some 2015 movies that I didn't see until 2016. Also, I watch movies on planes... so some are even older.)

The Good:
A Bigger Splash: That scene with Ralph Fiennes! The Hot Matthias Schoenaerts. I'd link to the scene with him and Tilda Swinton in the pool but that might be NSFW.

A Perfect Day: Despite the fact it was shot in Spain and about Wat/San Engineers - it was quite good at the annoyances and joys of being an aid worker. I really think Benicio Del Toro has been a MSF log. And that grumpy French girl is for sure an aid worker.

A Conspiracy of Faith: Danish film that I watched at the Sarajevo Film Festival. Sort of like a Kurt Wallendar book.

As I Open My Eyes: A stunning Tunisian film about what it means to be young and a woman who loves music. Lovely.  Sarajevo Film Festival.

The Big Short - made me cry because people are so greedy and there is nothing we can do to fix the world.

Brooklyn: love Saoirse Ronan.

CameraPerson: Lovely and evocative.

Captain Fantastic: I love Viggo Mortenson.

The Childhood of the Leader: One of the most atmospheric and interesting films I saw this year. Loved the imagery. Watch the trailer and tell me what you think. It's a pity that the whole crowd that came to see it at the Sarajevo Film Festival were only there to ask Ser Davos inane questions about Game of Thrones.

Dead Pool: I've always been a fan of Ryan Reynolds but he has picked some shitty movies. This one was good and brought us back to his glory days of Van Wilder.

Hail Caesar! Love the Coen Brothers but Channing Tatum channeling his Gene Kelly! And "Would that it were so simple."

I, Daniel Blake: It broke my heart. Also Sarajevo Film Festival

The Legend of Tarzan: Alexander Skarsgård in a loincloth. Need I say more?

Letters from War: Like watching a poem unfold. A Portugese film about the angolan civil war - a Sarajevo Film Festival special.

The Lobster: One of the oddest but best movies I saw last year. What animal would I be? Maybe a long haired pony. :)

Love and Friendship: Whit Stillman! A mean Kate Becksindale! Saw it at the Sarajevo Film Festival where after watching Lady Susan scheme and cheat everyone, a clueless female festival attendant stood up and told us and Whit Stillman that she really admired her and she was a "real woman" and all of us should be more like her.

Rogue One: Oddly, I read no previews before I went so was blown away! And Diego Luna!

Sicario - Emily Blount as a bad ass and serious evil drug lords but a bit confusing and not quite sure what was going on .

Testament to Youth - doomed british young men and Jon Snow marching off to war instead of Oxford. Weep Weep Weep

Taxi Driver:

The Meh:
Absolutely Fabulous: I wanted it to be so much more. But it was just okay. But I still love Patsy and Edina.

Burned - Bradley Cooper trying to channel Anthony Bourdain without the charm and saucy sexy sparkle but serious food porn

Hacksaw Ridge: Andrew Garfield alternating between Jesus and Forrest Gump. Some of the grossest violence ever. But an amazing man and a real life story. Too bad Mel Gibson was directing it.

Doctor Strange: Is there a movie that Benedict Cumberbatch WON'T do? He's turning into Nicolas Cage.

Zootopia: Not a huge fan of animated films. Cute but not memorable.

Land of Blood and Honey: Angelina Jolie's film about rape in Sarajevo. Some good performances but very dull. She seems to equate dull with serious.

Graduation: A Romanian film about a young girls' rape and her fathers ambitions for her. Just meh.

Various short movies at the Sarajevo Film Festival - not a fan of short movies.

The Awful:

The Hateful 8 - awful and boring "a long racist play."

Humidity: A Sarajevo Film Festival Serbian Film. I was so bored and annoyed. It made me hate everything about Serbia. At the end, the man next to me and I just sighed and said "Thank god its over."

Los Bastardos: Just like this skit from Saturday Night Live ... a pretentious and weird student film.

How to Be Single: One of the worst films I've ever seen. Dakota Johnson has ZERO chemistry. She is sooo lame.

2015: A year in movies

The good:

Star Wars: The Force Awakens!

Mad Max: Fury Road

The Martian

Bridge of Spies

Spectre

Magic Mike: XXL

Spy

Mission Impossible

What we do in the shadows

White God



Meh:

Jurassic World

Hunger Games: Part 4

While We're Young


The Bad:

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Countries I have visited (2017)

Afghanistan
Albania (2017)
Australia
Austria
Belgium
Bosnia - Herzegovina (2017)
Botswana
Bulgaria (2017)
Burma/Myanmar
Cambodia
Canada
Central African Republic
Colombia
Democratic Republic of Congo
Cote d'Ivoire
Czech Republic
Denmark
Egypt
Ethiopia
Finland
France
Germany
Ghana
Greece (2017)
Guatemala
Guinea
Haiti
Honduras
Hong Kong (2017)
Hungary
India
Indonesia
Ireland
Israel
Italy
Jamaica
Japan
Jordan
Kenya
Laos
Lebanon
Liberia
Libya
Luxembourg
Macedonia (2017)
Malaysia
Mexico
Montenegro (2017)
Nepal
Netherlands
Norway
Pakistan
Papua New Guinea
Philippines
Poland
Portugal
Qatar
Rwanda
Saudi Arabia
Senegal
Serbia (2017)
Sierra Leone
Singapore
Slovakia
Slovenia
Somalia
South Africa
South Sudan
Spain
Sri Lanka
Sudan
Sweden
Switzerland
Syria
Taiwan
Thailand
Turkey
Uganda
United Kingdom (England, Wales, Scotland but not Northern Ireland)
United States of America
United Arab Emirates
Vatican City
Vietnam
Zimbabwe

2016: Cat Sitting for the Soul

Hello all: 

Happy New Year! It's a bit late but I hope you'll accept my greetings! I feel like 2016 had me always a day late on everything. So a short catch up on my whirlwind life: 

Last year, I traveled to 24 countries* including 8 new ones (Hong Kong, Serbia, Albania, Bulgaria, Montenegro, Macedonia, Bosnia-Herzagovina, and Greece) bringing my total of countries up to 84! I still have so many places to see though, I'll never get tired of traveling but I am getting tired of moving around so much. I want a home and a place to live that I can settle into and get to know my neighbors, have a garden, and all those other homey things. 

On the career front, I started off the job as the Regional Emergency Gender-based Violence Advisor for Asia and the Pacific - a job that seemed like it was something I would like but that I instead felt frustrated in. The internal UN politics are not where I am happy. I like being in the field with women's organizations and teaching humanitarian aid workers about gender and GBV and getting them inspired. I went to London to attend a certificate course on Research Methods about GBV in February and while there was interviewed for what seemed like a dream job. 

In April, I took the job as Initiatives Director for Women and Children's Protection at the International Rescue Committee based in Belgrade, Serbia. I was to map what was happening with the Syrian, Afghan, and other migrants/refugees/asylum seekers (whatever you wish to call them) as they moved through Europe and tried to get to Germany, Sweden, and other countries. I moved to Belgrade in April but it was one week after the EU-Turkey deal took place which sealed the borders and dropped the flow of immigrants. 

It was a fantastic job - I interviewed refugees and got to know them in Berlin, in Serbia, I traveled all over the Balkans (hence many of those 8 new countries). But unfortunately, the world's attention shifted now that refugees were being moved via smugglers and there weren't the dramatic boat and group shots at the borders on the nightly news. There were still immense protection violations and women and children were at even greater risk from smugglers and others as they attempted to illegally move through the continent but with donors attentions elsewhere, IRC decided to discontinue my position and scale back. 

This also coincided with a moment I had been dreading - the death of Simon Le Bon, my adored Siamese cat. He was the loudest cat in the world, a real love bug, and a force of nature. He was 16 years old and while still quite spry and energetic and loud as ever, he had started to have some problems with his kidneys. My constant time away from him was an awful thing but I did the best I could for him. He was a well-traveled and deeply loved cat. I still can hear his meow when I come back to my apartment every day.  I was in Serbia when he died and I dreaded returning back to Thailand to no job, an empty apartment, and the heat and humidity and assorted big city life. 

Thankfully, after a good holiday in Budapest with my bestie Alec I felt a bit better and then a series of cat sitting gigs opened up. I am calling it Autumn 2016: Cat Sitting for the Soul. I met four new cats in Sarajevo, Bosnia where i stayed for August and September. Naila and Garu and Dirty Frank and the late loved Bobbie Magee (RIP). They kept me warm, purred over my broken heart, and kept me attentive to the needs of their littler boxes and food bowls. I even received some gifts of dead birds and grasshoppers. And a few fur balls. I also looked after the elegant Labneh in Paris for a while and hung out with the old dude, Primo in Berlin. 

After healing up a bit, I took off traveling around Europe looking for that elusive place that I'd like to call home. I visited Athens, Greece which I loved because of its connection with my father. But there were a few too many aid workers and it stressed me out thinking I was the "old woman' being irritated with young new faces working in humanitarian aid. I went to Berlin, home of my good friend Mike Dumiak (from Drinking Big 40s in the Graveyard in Sumter, SC fame) and it seems like a great fit. I also went to Lisbon, Portugal with my friends the famous author (!!) and his handsome DJ husband, Saleem Haddad and Adam Barr. So glamorous - I hope the paparazzi spells my name right and doesn't get wind of us stuck in an elevator for 3 hours! And Paris - gorgeous Paris - home of extremely expensive apartments and my glamorous friends (as well as the elegant aforementioned Labneh). I'm still figuring it out. Alyson joined me in the autumn for a trip we've been planning for years which probably makes no sense to anyone but us: Auschwitz and Neuschwanstein. we are both mad about history, she studied German and European history and we love castles. We had a book on our living room table since childhood of castles of the world and Neuschwanstein was the cover photo and we have been talking about going there forever. We had a great trip and worked in Vienna and Prague as well. 

I then went over to Beirut, Lebanon to reconnect with my brilliant friend, Lina who runs the Institute for Women's Studies in the Arab World where I'll be teaching a class in 2017. And in what we thought was going to be an affirmative win of feminism over crass bigotry, we got together with two other gender-based violence activists to watch the US election returns. I have never been more frightened, anxious, and depressed over politics than I have been since November 6. I took to my bed for two days - waking up to realize it wasn't a nightmare and going back to sleep with a sense of dread and anxiety. 

Sitting in a country like Lebanon that has suffered so much from internecine conflict and lives in a dangerous neighborhood - dangerous because it also serves as a battle ground for USA's political experiments and happens to have the extremely controversial spiritual hubs for three religions right next door - is humbling. It reminded me to calm down because the Lebanese know how to survive in such places but it also made me realize how high the stakes were in this election. I feel so disheartened and my normal political activism is gone. I feel cynical, scared, and hopeless about the future of our world. The fact that one of the first things that the administration of "he who shall not be named" moved to do was cast their Sauron's eyeball towards gender equality programming is chilling and doesn't bode well for the women of the world who have looked to the USA as someone to assist them in their search for equality.

So I returned to Bangkok for Thanksgiving 2016 with a group of human rights activists and americans. We were sad and subdued this year. And I returned to my apartment and did a little more travel in Asia - visiting Yogyakarta and Borobodur, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Hoi An and Hanoi, Vietnam, Chiang Mai and Hua Hin, Thailand before returning back to Bangkok to begin consulting again. 

So despite the many movements and job changes in 2016, I start off 2017 sort of where I started - back in Bangkok, unsure of where to go next, and working as a consultant. I'm also turning 50 this year so it feels like a year that should involve some change. However, as I analyze the findings from my sabbatical, I'm trying to focus on the good things like my cat friends taught me on my sabbatical. Find a sunbeam and lie in it to rejuvenate yourself, nap whenever possible as we all need more sleep, when in doubt - pause and take a bath, and show your love for those that feed you and make sure that you get the type of food you want. If they don't, then maybe you should pee in their fireplace. 

So - what is next? I don't know! Stay tuned! Happy 2017,

Sarah (available for cat sitting gigs globally)

Cooking to heal your broken political heart

Reposted from my cooking blog Bleu Cheese and Red Wine. 

I read Slavenka Draculic's book "How We Survived Communism and Even Laughed" this summer while on sabbatical. I had long wanted to read it and I'm glad I did - its a bit dated but her look at the fall of communism and the rise of capitalism through the prism of women's eyes was much needed. She spoke about talking with women about the lousy way men have treated them while they sit in similar kitchens all over the former Yugoslavia cooking noodle soups. So many disappointing men, so much noodle soup.

Last night when I watched the miserable returns of the 2016 US Election, I felt broken hearted - its the strongest and most emotional I've ever felt about a political event. I was upset and shocked as the returns came in and I fled to be by myself as I often do when confronted with awful news. That morning (for it was 4:45am when I realized where it was going),  I treated myself gently and just let sleep heal me. But every time I woke up, I was reminded of the unpleasant news. I felt simultaneously like there had been a death and a breakup. The realization and the resulting emotions were shocking to me and I felt so sad - for the world will change in a dramatic way soon and not for the better for the people I work with - refugee women and children and the poor and vulnerable around the world.

So I turned to something comforting. I decided to make my family's famous spaghetti sauce. Just like the broken-hearted women of communist Croatia - it was time to retreat to the kitchen and cook and let the smell of spices and onions and broth and tomatoes comfort me. I will feed others and take care of myself and start to feel healing myself.

I made my father's famous spaghetti sauce. And listened to music and as the meal came together, a feeling of comfort and my old strength to fight is beginning to flow inside me. 

World Humanitarian Day 2016: South Sudan and Rape and Being an AidWorker

I just wrote about this in the Cassandra Complexity, a blog I help co-edit with friends but here's a rougher more personal account.

August 19 is World Humanitarian Day where humanitarian aid workers like me remember our colleagues who were killed in the line of duty. Today, I am also now thinking about the particular vulnerability that women face: being raped in the line of duty.  

A few days ago, the AP published a report about the South Sudanese army's attacks on a popular expatriate lodging, "Terrain House", in Juba, Sudan where three female expatriate aid workers were raped by multiple soldiers. The rage and sadness I felt about the UN's refusal to deploy peacekeepers to protect these civilians threw me into a sad dark place. I'm currently on sabbatical in Sarajevo, Bosnia and this sadness was compounded by all the dark European movies I had been watching at the Sarajevo Film Festival.  I cried through the movie Cameraperson because it had a lot of scenes that hit close to home - women chopping wood in Zalingei (reminded me of almost getting shot on my way to Kass in South Darfur), a baby being born and dying in Nigeria (reminded me of dying babies in Haiti post-earthquake in MSF's obstetric hospital, Afghanistan (the fear I felt there driving around at night), and scenes from Liberia (where I had my first security fright thanks to a dumbass Congolese man that I was traveling with). I was already feeling raw when I read this report. 

I then learned that the US Embassy (my Embassy!)  had also failed to do ANYTHING to protect these American citizens and had "made some phone calls." Eventually the Government of Sudan sent in someone to rescue the people but the local staff of the hotel and 3 women were left behind to be rescued the next day by a private security force. What must it have felt like to be the people "left behind"? I couldn't stop myself from instantly imagining myself as one of the three expatriate women left overnight with the rapist soldiers. It's every woman's worst nightmare. For my sanity, I had to stop. 

Aid workers started lamenting this issue and expressing our rage and sadness.  Female aid workers everywhere are deeply shaken by this event. Some are privately expressing how afraid they feel but that they feel worse for abandoning South Sudanese women who bear the brunt of the sexual violence. The most frustrating part was the false sense of security that being nearby the peacekeepers provided. Our so-called "safety and security systems" (including useless TRIP forms filled out on line) are not always going to be there. It's obvious that we, as women,  are usually alone out there sometimes, and as every woman everywhere in the world has learned since puberty, you have to take responsibility for your own safety and security.

Our "security professionals" are often ignoring women's needs or have REALLY outdated viewpoints on how women can protect themselves. In Bangkok, at the recent women's day- our security personnel at the UN told women that they should "smile more" and in Jordan, the UNHCR security personnel who was giving me a brief there said I should "dress decently" (to which I responded, since I'm a decent person anything I wear is, by definition, decent). 

I'm too angry and sad to write a more professional polished piece - so I give you instead, a piece that i wrote about this in 2012. It was inspired by events that took place in 2012 after I had finished a year working in Nepal, Pakistan, and Afghanistan for the UN.  I took a Hostile Environment Awareness Training course before I went to Libya with the British government for the Preventing Sexual Violence Initiative. I was really nervous as in mid 2011, there had been an attack on the hotel where i had worked in Kabul right after I left and I realized I had never felt safe in that country. I didn't know how I would react to the simulated situation. I was most nervous about the "fake kidnapping" part - and as it turns out - I was fine, but one of my colleagues was not. She was a survivor and experienced a flashback during this section of the training. Our mostly male trainers had no psychologist on standby and were not prepared to support her so I was called in. In order to deal with it, I decided to take action and become an activist on this issue. 

Gender-based Violence and Security

This blog post was published by USAID to coincide with the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence event, “Who Takes Care of the Caregivers?  Providing Care and Safety for Staff in Gender-based Violence Settings,” taking place on Thursday, Nov. 29th 2012 in Washington DC, hosted by the Inter-Agency Gender Working Group, funded by USAID. It is no longer available online but a copy of it can be found here. The Tips that I wrote for travelers can be found here. 

Gender-based Violence (GBV) is an issue that impacts aid workers – not just beneficiaries and not just staff that works in GBV settings. This post examines agencies’ duty to care for their workers by preventing and responding to GBV. 

“Keeping International Workers Safe:  Preventing and Responding to Gender-based Violence”

Sarah Martin, Consultant and Specialist on Prevention and Response to Gender-based Violence

The sexual assault of the journalists Lara Logan, Mona Eltahawy and two unnamed British and French journalists in Egypt shocked the world and brought the issue of gender-based violence (GBV) against Westerners working in conflict areas to the forefront. Clearly GBV does not only affect the "locals" in these areas. Not only are journalists at risk but also aid workers–and not just in conflict settings or in GBV program areas.

I recently interviewed a large cross section of women travelers who work in a number of fields (including international development, human rights, humanitarian action and international business) about their experiences as women while traveling and working overseas*.  Many of them brought up their frustration that sexual harassment and sexual assault were never raised in security trainings and that agencies refused to address this as a real security concern. Increasingly, aid agencies are providing more “realistic” security trainings that simulate “hostile environments to prepare their employees for gunfire, kidnappings and other events in the field.”  While some of these trainings talk about sexual assault, there are no discussions of how to prevent sexual assault or how to react or support colleagues if they are assaulted. Sexual harassment in the workplace as a security issue is often ignored. In addition, the purveyors of these trainings are mostly male and show little awareness to the issue of sexual assault or the gender concerns of female trainees. I recently attended one such training where one of the participants relived her own sexual assault from years ago while undergoing a simulated “kidnapping.” While they took her out of the simulation, there were no psychologists or female trainers available to talk to her. 

Female development and aid workers have the same security concerns as their male counterparts: crime and landmine accidents and armed robberies do not discriminate. Security measures, trainings, and manuals are the same for men and women, and most agencies take a ‘gender-blind’ approach to security. Most security officers are men, and many of them come from a military background. This gender-blind approach to security, however, leaves out a major issue.  Women also face another security threat that most men do not encounter – gender-based violence, namely sexual harassment and sexual violence.

Rape myths promote the false idea that women are only sexually assaulted by strangers. While this can happen, women are much more likely to be attacked by someone familiar to them – a co-worker, a driver, or a friend. Most of the women I interviewed shared stories about fending off sexual harassment by colleagues or actual cases of sexual assault in the field. 

Rarely is their organization prepared to handle these issues. While there has been some action taken on “building safe organizations” – the focus has been preventing sexual exploitation of our beneficiaries by our staff. But there is not sufficient attention paid to sexual harassment of our staff by our staff or adequate support for staff that have been sexually assaulted. There is little information in the security manuals that I have reviewed about what medical care a survivor may need or what rights a sexual assault survivor might have. Nor is there guidance on reporting to local authorities, human resources or guarantees of confidentiality. Responsible employers must be prepared to understand and deal with the fact that their employees might become victims of sexual assault [1] and should be prepared to support them. This means bringing the issue of sexual assault up in security trainings and sensitizing the trainers and security personnel on how to address the issue – but not by restricting women’s access to “dangerous areas” but by making sure female employees are informed of the dangers, provided with information on how to protect themselves, and given sensitive and adequate support by their organizations in case the worst happens.

[1] Global statistics show that 1 out of 3 women has experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault.

 * From the chapter I wrote entitled “Sexual Assault: Preventing And Responding As An International Travelers in the book Personal Security: A Guide for International Travelers, by Tanya Spencer, ISBN: 9781466559448 commissioned and published by Taylor and Francis, LLC.

Spring time in the Balkans with Syrian and Afghan Refugees

So in April, I quit my job as the Regional GBV Advisor for the global GBV Working Group in Bangkok. I wanted to work on the Syrian refugee crisis in Europe and I had a great opportunity to do so by working with the International Rescue Committee as the "Initiatives Director for Women and Children's Protection" - sadly, by the time I had resigned and got here, the EU-Turkey deal was in place and the large migration had halted so there are far fewer migrants moving through Europe. But the job is still great and super interesting.

I'm living in Belgrade, Serbia (a place I never thought I would ever go) and I'm working with a small nice team of people here. They just found me an apartment that overlooks the big park here and I can walk down to the Danube. The beer is good, the meat is heavy and tasty, and I had better find a gym immediately or I will become as wide as I am tall. My job involves going to the different countries in the Balkans and looking at the needs of women and children migrants and seeing if IRC should open up programming and how to do it to support them. So it reminds me a bit of my Refugees International life where I go someplace for a short period of time and do intensive interviews with refugees, NGOs, and government officials and taken in vast amounts of information trying to understand the situation. But I then get to help design programs to address the needs which is wonderful. 

First up: I went to Berlin for 2 weeks and met with local volunteers, the government, German NGOs, and toured many of the shelters where Syrian and Afghan refugees are living. It was both super heartening to meet the German volunteers who were devoting time and resources to helping the refugees understand the really intense bureaucracy of German life but also really depressing to see that all the same problems we see in camps in Liberia, Jordan, Sri Lanka, and Haiti are happening in a rich Western country - no segregation of vulnerable young women from the men, rape of children by "volunteers" and attacks in toilets because of lack of lighting or locks on doors. People who are interested in volunteering are also naive and soon become angry or depressed at the "ingratitude" of Syrians who are often middle class educated people who would like to just have a job, thank you, so they can buy what they need and get on with their lives rather than throwing off their veils, putting on ripped jeans, and becoming Germans. I interviewed young adolescent girls, lesbians, single mothers, and women with three children. Every single one of them discussed some aspect of groping, sexual exploitation, assault, and harassment on the journey - from the sex-starved young men of Syria and Afghanistan but also from the authorities along the route but mostly by the smugglers. The men who they had entrusted their lives with to make the dangerous journey.

For my next assessment, I went to Albania - a country that I really had very little knowledge about. I hadn't seen "Taken" in which Albanian mobsters apparently play a huge role. I had vaguely read some information about their terrible communism. But mostly I knew them from a Simpson cartoon.  I was blown away by the kindness, the beauty of their country, and the cultural heritage they have. i read a fantastic book called A Chronicle in Stone by Ismael Kadare and fell in love with his hometown of Ghirokastra. However, I did not meet nor see a single refugee. I did spend 2 hours stuck on the Greek-Albanian border and driving through some seriously high mountains and eating some good food. 

Now, I've just visited the third country for my assignment - It's been very interesting in Bulgaria - we were inside all the camps. Apparently the Afghan men (and its thousands of them) have been instructed by the smugglers to destroy the lodgings for them and take photos so they can show how discriminatory everyone is against Afghans and it will "help them in their asylum cases." It won't. All it is doing is making everyone think they are animals. I keep hearing all these terrible things about them. It makes me sad. I fight back and say I've been to Afghanistan and the people there are kind, have lovely homes, and show amazing hospitality. I remind them that its not safe there and the war still rages on despite the lack of interest from Western media. 

There are SO MANY OF THESE YOUNG MEN. Young men - ages 15-17 (some younger but lying about their ages) with no future in Afghanistan, climbing through forests, swimming in rivers, and sleeping in these old Bulgarian army barracks. they only stay for one or two days and then they are off - looking for the promised land of Germany. Where Afghanistan is considered "post-conflict" and safe so they will be denied asylum status and  will probably disappear into the "illegal" sectors living in the shadows. The same "smugglers" who lie to them and bring them across the continent also move the illegal drugs and traffic people into sex work. The young men are bored and restless, there is nothing for them to do in the asylum centers so they smoke and loiter around. Still, they are children - when you talk to them about sports or games or their favorite food - you see the young boy inside. there are still girls here too - and because they are fearful of all these young men, they are trapped inside the centers - not allowed to really go outside and enjoy the spring, kept inside for their safety. I will be pushing for women's centers where we can bring them together to chat, meet each other, possibly form some friendships or alliances where they can open up and find support for the troubles they have. And trying to think of ways to reach these young men. Because we know they are also vulnerable and there is a trade in sex trafficking for young men too. Behind their bravado and their male posturing, they are also vulnerable children. Some of the nights, after spending all day in the asylum centers and processing all the information, we were so tired.  But as I drove through the countryside and saw the poppies and waving fields of grain and mountains, and elderflowers and breathed in the fresh air, I also felt pretty happy. 

Back to Belgrade tomorrow after a weekend in Sofia, Bulgaria and next up - Macedonia? Greece? Hungary? Stay tuned. 

My contract is only til July 1 but I have the opportunity to do this for a year, I'm still mulling it over but it looks like a move away from Asia may be in the books. I hope Simon Le Bon likes beef and loud Serbian music! 

xoxox

My Review of Guapa: My favorite book of 2016

Guapa by Saleem Haddad
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was written by my good friend Saleem Haddad - I met him when we worked together at Medecins Sans Frontieres and I recognized a special guy in that crowded London office. My review: I still think about things in this novel 10 days later - something that hasn't happened to me in a while. I recognized so many things in it that called out to me: Rasa's relationship with his Teta- their morning rituals, the silence around his father's fate, the living in a type of mausoleum but also the pain he felt around his mother and the suffocating silence. I'm not Arab but I grew up in a British household and felt many of those same emotions choking inside of me which I think is what makes me so hellbent on being open and speaking about all my taboos now. It made me really thing about the burden of being closeted and what it does to your emotions.

Things I loved: I felt so frustrated and angry at the scene in the wedding. it was so realistic - the whispered drunken asides from his shallow female friend, the mess of angst and emotion and love swirling around inside Rasa as he steadily drinks and argues with the waiter over his change. I just wanted a Hollywood happy ending - run off together! Be together. But that's not life. And the chaos towards the end was necessary. His mother crying as she chopped onions. His self-centered French friend and being forced out of embarrassment to accept the homeless man as his roommate.

Like some other reviewers, I think I would have liked more life inside Guapa. His friend Maj was the most uplifting character but I also wanted more of everything - more lush descriptions of falling in love, more lazy nights tangoing in a sequestered bedroom, more driving around tense parts of town, more revolution. I guess we can't have it all.

I also felt as if I shared Rasa's fatigue at the end of the novel - and that makes me think that the author did his job. My emotions were everywhere as I read it. And to me that is what I am looking for in reading - plunging into another world.

Thanks Saleem- for a fantastic novel. Can't wait to read number 2.




View all my reviews